I posted a quote in my Facebook fan page a few days ago where I said “The best gift we can give our kids is good marriage” and it has garnered a couple of likes from several people thus far which lead me to believe that this simple quote resonated among many of us. We all realize the importance of having our family intact especially nowadays where everything you see on TV involve characters that are either a product of broken homes or single parents trying to raise their kids on their own.
More often than not, broken homes are products of cheating. Married people having affairs with other people. Single people having affairs with married people. People in relationships having affairs with other people also in relationships. The list just goes on and on.
What these people fail to realize is that behind their infidelity, the life of an innocent child is already being set up for disaster. They fail to realize that they hurt their children more than they do their spouses and that the children are the victim in all these.
We all want the best for our children and the best way to give them that is to stay married. Happily married if you may.
In a perfect world, everyone wants to stay married and have a great family life but we all know that temptation has a way of changing the views and principles we once thought were unbreakable. It’s easy to say we’re loyal and we’re not cheaters but can you really resist the urge when the opportunity falls right in front of you?
I’ve been married for more than 10 years and I am no saint, I do find other women apart from my wife attractive but it all ends there. I am proud to say that in the years I’ve been married that I have not once had an affair because I believe that prevention is better than cure. I always make sure that I don’t get into situations where my ability to resist temptation will be tested.
I loved what I learned from listening to Andy Stanley’s Guardrails and I would like to share them with you and add some of my own ideas as well.
So how do we avoid infidelity? Here are 5 remarkable ways you can apply:
Be proud of your marital status
When you’re in a new environment or community or in a new job for example, get the information out for everyone to know how happily married you are how proud you are to be a mother or a father. You don’t necessarily have to brag or tell everyone without anyone asking. Tell stories about your wife and your kids, how you are at home and what activities you do together. This will let everyone know that your priority is your family and that your loyalty is to them.
It’s not about being conceited and thinking that anyone might find you attractive and go for you but it lessens the chance of someone actually making a move on you or showing interest.
Avoid travelling alone with the opposite sex
This usually happens with people who are in sales or any other job that requires travel. Try to go on separate cars as much as possible or get a third person to join you if you must. Again, you’re not trying to be conceited by doing this. You’re just trying to avoid getting yourself into situations where your resistance to temptation will be tested.
This is especially important for long trips. There’s a lot that could happen in four hours. Try not to open doors you wouldn’t be able to come out of.
Avoid eating alone with the opposite sex
Friends are of course an exception to this rule but if it’s a colleague you’ve known for weeks only, this is definitely a no-no unless you had your spouse’s permission. Just imagine how you will feel if your significant other went to dinner with a person of the opposite sex who’s not his or her long-time friend either. If you’re not comfortable, then imagine what your husband or wife would feel.
Another thing about this is that it can begin a series of meals together. You might have had dinner tonight and then one of you will ask if you want to get coffee sometime, then breakfast the next day, and before you know it, you’re already involved. It’s just like how you see it in movies where we all know how these meals ended.
Avoid counseling or confiding to a member of the opposite sex
Picture this. Girl has a problem, really depressed, and looking for someone to talk to. Married man has problems too, very upset, and needs someone to talk to. They both have a smoke, talk about their issues, find something in common, decided to have a few drinks. I won’t even continue this theoretical example because you all know where the story would lead wouldn’t you?
When you confide or counsel someone from the opposite sex, your vulnerabilities can trigger infidelity. People do crazy things when they are at their lowest point so imagine if this person meets someone who shares the same vulnerabilities.
Avoid hiring attractive people because “they need help”
If you are a person of power like a manager or VP for example, use your power decently by hiring someone qualified and competent and not because of any other reason. I’ve seen leaders like this whose qualification for hiring is beauty and when you ask them why they hired that cute girl from accounting, they will tell you “because they need help”. RIGHT!
How about the not-so-attractive girl from finance who also needs help? Why wasn’t she considered?
It’s not that we don’t trust ourselves that’s why we need to do these. We should try to do these to avoid ourselves from getting tempted to do things that are not only considered wrong but also immoral.
Before you do something, ask yourself. Would it be okay for me to see my wife do this? If your gut tells you yes, then go right ahead but if it tells you otherwise, then don’t. Remember that your actions have consequences that not only involve you and your spouse but your children as well.
Have you ever been in a situation where your fidelity was put to a test? How did you get out of that situation?
I would love to hear from you so feel free to share your comments or feedbacks below.
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