Oct 30

4 Signs Your Being Too Nice is Hurting You


Being too nice can work to your disadvantage

“Tolerance is nothing more than patience with boundaries.”
― Shannon L. Alder

We’ve all been raised to behave properly and to be nice to the people we meet.  We were taught how to be kind and courteous towards others and to be respectful at all times.  We carried this idea in our heads from the time we were children until we became adults and it all became second nature but we all know that in life, everything should be done in moderation.  We should always look to strike a certain balance in everything we do and that includes being kind and being nice.

Being too nice to everyone can become a disadvantage and thus, hurt you in the process.  The following are signs that your being nice is working against you:

1. People starts taking advantage of you – one of the disadvantages of being too nice is that everyone will see you as weak and inferior.  People will start taking advantage of your kind attitude to the point of abusing it.  They will walk over you and disrespect any boundaries you may have because they no that you won’t budge regardless of what they do to you.

This is why it is very important to know how to say “No” because in doing so, you are giving people the impression that you are not the kind of person they can just push or bully around.

This is one of my bad habits that I’ve been struggling to overcome to be quite honest and as I go along, what I learned is you need to set clear boundaries from the very beginning.  Muster up the courage to let people know how much you can tolerate and where they need to draw the line.

2. Others begin to doubt your intention – being too nice can also be considered a red flag because it raises doubts about your true intention.  People may misunderstood your unrealistic gestures of kindness and thus, begin to question your true motives.

Would you trust anyone who’s being too nice for no reason?  Well I won’t.  The first question I will ask myself is “what’s the catch?”

3. You’re developing false expectations – being too nice and putting other’s interest above yours can mess your head up and lead you to expect that others will do the same for you.  You begin to misinterpret other people’s actions and begin to label them as mean and unkind the second they don’t come up to your expectations.

Be realistic.  You can’t expect others to catch a bullet for you the same way you will do for them.  In the same manner, you can’t expect people to be equally nice to you just because you are overly nice and accommodating to them.

4. You’re not giving yourself the break you deserve – Just like what Whitney Houston said in perhaps her most famous song, “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”

Love yourself and put your joy above others.  That’s not being selfish.  It’s pointless to always put other people’s happiness over yours when deep inside, you’re hurting and feeling miserable.  Before you start considering other people’s feelings, look at yours first.

Will you be happy doing something that will make them happy?

The purpose of this blog post is to help you realize that there’s nothing wrong in being nice and that it is actually an admirable trait but you have to be aware on where you draw the line.  By being too nice, you are putting your happiness in jeopardy from people who will look to take advantage of you and abuse your kindness in every way they can.  It is sad to think that there are people like this but you must be realistic because they do exist and they are all around you.

What was the worst thing being overly nice has brought you?

I would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to leave a comment or feedback below.  I will truly appreciate it if you do.


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Noel Rosos

About Noel Rosos

Noel is a husband, father, author, performance coach and self-proclaimed FAILUROLOGIST who helps business owners and struggling individuals convert their failures into opportunities through inspiring blog posts, life-changing books and exceptional one-on-one coaching sessions


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  1. awazieikechi

    You are right that being nice is admirable and one needs to draw the line. However, there is a thin line between being nice and being a people’s pleaser. Most people who are too nice are mostly people’s pleasers and usually have low self esteem. They never want to say their minds but allow people to ride them over. Thanks for an awesome post

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      You are spot on Awazieikechi!

      We’ll never be truly happy if we continue to try to please everyone around us.

      Thanks for following the blog!

  2. Steve

    “one of the disadvantages of being too nice is that everyone will see you as weak and inferior.” – Yes. I agree completely.

    I used to think that being a nice guy was a good thing. After all, it’s good to be nice, isn’t it? Well, I learned that being overly nice can have negative consequences and that is one of them. People are usually good, but will take advantage of you if you let them. That’s something that is completely preventable too. While I don’t think it’s good to be a jerk and I do tend to stick to being nice, I think there’s a difference between being nice and being a pushover.

  3. Lea Bullen

    Being taken advantage of when you’re simply being nice is the worst. When you go above and beyond then people just stomp on that is a horrible feeling. That’s why you always have to be careful with that. Sometimes you just have to think twice about it.


    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Thanks for your comment Lea!

      We do need to set some boundaries and not be too nice all the time because not everyone is as kind-hearted and nice as other people are.


  4. S.p. Bell

    Thankyou for this article. being ‘nice’ has caused a deep division between myself and my grandson. I lent him a not inconsiderable sum to insure his car, by paying cash he avoided paying.high interest charges. To date he has not repaid a penny and I am out of pocket and feeling very let down and disappointed. He refuses to answer my texts or invitation to meet up which exacerbates the situation . Would appreciate an opinion? Do I cut my losses and refuse to help any of my other grandchildren in future, or do I pursue the issue. Thankyou.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Hi S.P. Bell,

      I’m sorry to hear about this rather unfortunate experience. As much as I want to punch your grandson in the throat I think you need to hear from him first before we judge him. We don’t know what he’s going through so it will be wise to hear from him first and try hard to reach him if he is not responding. It would be unfair to stop helping your other grandkids just because one of them betrayed your trust. Keep an open mind and give them the benefit of the doubt becausr at the end of the day they’re still your flesh and blood. Hope this helps but if you ever need to talk to me more, send me a private message on facebook.

      All the best.

  5. pamina271

    This is so true Noel, and you put it so well! So many of my clients have problems setting healthy boundaries because they have been conditioned to put others needs first, and as you explain this is often misinterpreted. As you say, moderation in EVERYTHING is the key.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Thanks Pamina. Putting one’s self first doesn’t make us selfish. Loving ourselves puts us in a better position to love others too.

  6. pamina271

    I agree with Noel’s reply to your story S.P. Bell. Use this as a lesson for the future i.e. possibly put in place more safeguards for you and consequences for any of your other grandchildren you lend money to. It is good to learn from mistakes and put healthier strategies in place, but as Noel says, making others pay for one person’s unreliability is not a good way to go.

  7. Doreen Piazza

    Everywhere I have worked in have been called the nicest person in the building. I love being nice but is rarely received back. I like this guy and alwaus buy him lunch and bring him gifts…oh yes do this for other coworkers too..I suffer from low self esteem, thank you dad. I am also there emotionally for coworkers yet a wreck myself. I feel depressed and alone and I know I need to pull back. I have even had people over my home for pool party and bbq and bought everything. Lease help with advice

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      I am sorry to hear about this Doreen but you don’t have to buy friends to be likeable or be appreciated. How do you expect people to like you when you don’t like yourself? You have to learn to not let happiness rely on other people. I’m not saying you be a loner but you need to be happy with who you are first. Know what you want, do what makes you happy and it doesn’t matter what other people will say.

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