Mar 25

3 Questions you should avoid asking yourself


Are you asking yourself the right questions?

Are you asking yourself the right questions?

Have you ever doubted yourself after going through failure?

We all have our own way of dealing with failure.  Some go through depression, unable to eat or sleep because of regret and disappointment.  There are also some who resort to alcohol or food as their outlet.  There are also those who seek the counsel of friends and family or if the situation is worse enough, talk to a professional.

More often than not, failure has this effect of getting your hopes down and bringing your self-confidence to an all-time low because we have this tendency to blame ourselves for all the misfortunes we experience.

We’re too deep in despair that we sometimes question our ability to stand up to adversity.  Here are 3 questions you should avoid asking yourself when you’re going through difficult times.


Am I not good enough?

When you failed to meet a goal, try not to put the blame on yourself.  Asking yourself this question will only cause you to lose confidence.  Condition your mind that not everything is about you.  Sometimes, situations happen because of things beyond our control and not because you failed.

I remember asking myself this question before when I failed to get the job I applied for and it really took my confidence down.  When I thought about it, I realized that if I was not qualified, they shouldn’t have invited me to come for the interview and waste their time with me.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough just because they picked someone else.  There was just a candidate that better suits what they’re looking for and nothing’s wrong with me.


Why is this happening to me?

This is a classic case of the victim mentality where you’re so deep into self-pity that you feel like all the negative forces in the world are ganging up on you.  Life happens and we cannot control what it brings. The only thing we can control is how we will react to these negative events and asking yourself why it’s happening to you will definitely not help.

Viktor Frankl, author of the book Man’s Search for Meaning, was a holocaust survivor.  As we all know, the Nazis were very cruel during that time and there was nothing their prisoners can do but to swallow whatever the Nazi soldiers did.  They were punished, tortured and beaten up and from an outsider’s point of view, there is absolutely no way for any of the prisoners to see a purpose in life given the situation they were in.  Well not for Viktor.

He came up with a psycho therapeutic method which had him find a purpose in life that he can feel positive about and persistently imagine it happening.  Viktor was faced with circumstances he has no control of but he took control of how his mind will react to these events by seeing something positive out of an extremely negative predicament.


Will I ever be able to get out of this?

Failure doesn’t mean the end of the world so stop asking this question whatever problems you might be facing.  The question, with the way it’s phrased is not only negative but it lacks hope.  It’s like you’ve already conditioned your mind that getting out of this mess is next to impossible.

Take a look around you and see how people who achieved success are doing today.  They were once like you, in a rut, demotivated, almost down and out but they didn’t stay there for long.  Any problem, no matter how big it may be, can be overcome.  You just have to be patient and take it one step at a time.

I was watching Linsanity, the Jeremy Lin documentary and this guy is the perfect example why you shouldn’t be asking this question.  Jeremy Lin was a top college prospect who was not drafted by any team in the NBA.  He played in the summer league and got offered a contract by the Golden State Warriors only to be dropped from the lineup and sent to the developmental league.

He got another shot when he was called by the Houston Rockets but it was short-lived and soon after, he was cut by the team.  He was then picked up by the New York Knicks and on the last game of his contract where his career was at stake, it was as if the stars aligned and that day was destined to happen.  With most of its starters injured, Lin was tapped by Coach D’Antoni to start and he showed the world the kind of player he really was.   He scored 25 points that night and his contract was immediately extended.  He went on to play a couple of more big games which gave rise to the phenomenon now called “Linsanity”.

Jeremy could have given up at some point but he never stopped dreaming.  So will you ever get out of the mess you’re in?  Of course you can.

Most of the time, it’s our mindset that gets us deeper into trouble.  You failed at something but then you choose to ask yourself questions that pushes you down deeper.  How about some positivity?

How about you, are you asking yourself the right questions?

If you loved this article, I’d love to hear from you by leaving your comments below.

Noel Rosos

About Noel Rosos

Noel is a husband, father, author, performance coach and self-proclaimed FAILUROLOGIST who helps business owners and struggling individuals convert their failures into opportunities through inspiring blog posts, life-changing books and exceptional one-on-one coaching sessions


  1. Steve

    Great points. That victim mindset is a pain and hard to get out of when you get trapped in it. Well, for that matter so is blaming yourself and losing confidence.

    That’s the hard part about failure. So often we turn it inwards at ourselves and ask what the problem is. Often that’s not the case. Usually it’s our outward actions and not who we are that is the problem. It’s easy to take it personally though. But when we do that just leads to more problems.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      I think failure can really take a lot our of us and most of the time, it’s our self-confidence that takes a great hit.

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