Hate is such a strong word yet we often hear ourselves say it. “I hate that guy”; “I hate having that girl around”. Sometimes it’s just so quick for us to pass judgment on people that if they don’t meet our standards, they’re automatically included in our unofficial people-I-hate list.
I was in my first job back in 1999 when this new guy joined the company. I’ve been there for a couple of months when this guy came and at first, I really found him obnoxious and loud. It was as if he was hungry for everyone’s attention. Every time my friends and I saw him, I really couldn’t stop myself from saying “I hate that guy”.
This went on for quite a while until he became part of our circle of friends. I didn’t speak to him even if he was already hanging out with us because remember, “I hate that guy”. Right?
Well, that’s what I thought. I think I knew that he knew that I didn’t like him but being part of the group, interaction is likely to happen. As the days went by, we got to talk and tell stories and for all I know, the guy has become a friend.
At one point, he sought my advice because he felt that most people in the office hated him and boy that was awkward. Here’s this guy asking me for advice because he felt everybody hated him. I WAS PART OF THAT GROUP!
I had to be honest to him so I told him that I used to be one of those people and I told him the possible reasons why. I told him that he came across as arrogant and brash but I was very careful not to hurt his feelings. But I also told him that those were first impressions and that was the truth because when I got to know him better, he wasn’t that bad at all and I regret telling our friends that I hated him before.
Just like talents, I believe everyone has something good inside of them. It may not show itself immediately but if we take time and do the steps below, we will find that there is good in everyone. We just need to take extra effort to see the good in people.
Don’t be judgmental
When buying a car or an appliance, what draws your attention? Is it the potential or what the object is capable of doing or is it the appearance? Unfortunately, we can be the same towards people. What we see on the outside or the surface immediately becomes our impression of the person and I am guilty of this. Make no mistake about it.
What I learned is that we need to take the time to know people and that we shouldn’t be judging others especially if we haven’t taken the chance to know them personally. Just like what we hear in court hearings, one is presumed innocent until proven guilty.
Before you pass judgment on people, give them a chance to prove their worth.
People are unique individuals
We often pass bad judgment to people when they don’t meet our standards of what a good person is but what we fail to realize is that each person is different from the others. We can’t expect them to behave the same way, like the same stuff you like, or have the same beliefs as ours.
Even if they were different, we must put in mind that this doesn’t disqualify them from being a good person. Just because they don’t meet your standards doesn’t automatically mean that they’re someone you should dislike.
Stop being malicious
When we dislike a person, we’re biased against them. We always doubt their intention behind everything they do and this shouldn’t be the case. Instead of thinking negatively, why not find something positive from what they’re doing or showing you.
Sometimes we get clouded by our judgment that we become blind to the positive intentions behind a person’s action. Again, I’m guilty of this at some point and I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you that I’ve always seen the positive. And we’re all guilty of this.
We should all stop, analyze the situation, and give people a chance by seeing only positive intentions behind their actions.
Give out praise when you can
I’ve always been fascinated why people tend to see more of the negative than the positive in a person. People are so quick to point out all of our weaknesses and mistakes but oversee the positive contributions we have given. I’ve wondered about this even now that I’ve become a leader myself that’s why I’ve always made it a point to give out praises, gratitude and commendation when the situation calls for it.
I’ve always been a firm believer in the saying “Praise in public, criticize in private.”
A pat on the back goes a long way
Do you remember the last time you got promoted or the last time someone told you that you’re doing a great job? Do you remember the last time you received an award at school or in a certain sport? It felt good didn’t it?
We all love to feel appreciated. Hearing words of appreciation is like music to our ears but more than that, these words bring out the best in us. When we hear people celebrate our success or performance, it drives us to perform even better. It makes us want to duplicate, if not surpass our achievements
Everyone wants to be part of something, to be given a chance to show who they really are and to feel appreciated. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to put ourselves in the opposite shoes. What if we’re the one being judged? How would you like people to perceive you? What would you feel if someone told you they didn’t like you? These are questions we need to ask ourselves before we count someone out.
Over to You
How about you, are you exerting efforts to find the good in people?
I’d love to hear from you by leaving your comments below.
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