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Feb 11

4 Things to Tell Yourself to Boost Your Self-confidence

self-confidence

What should you do when you feel like you’re not good enough?

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
― Theodore Roosevelt tweet this!

I’ve got this new staff member in my team who went on-board just recently and I’ve got some negative feedback about the way he works so I decided to talk to him to let him know where he stands and what is expected to him as one of our new team members.

Right off the bat I told him that he had good potential but that he needs to work on showing more initiative based on the feedback I received from his teammates.  I told him that he needs to put down his phone while working because I always see him tinkering with it.

Before we ended, I made sure to clarify that I told him these things not to embarrass him, but to let him know what he’s doing right and what’s he’s doing wrong so he can pick it up from there.  I understood that he’s a fresh graduate so I went easy on him and focused on helping him improve and not shatter his confidence.  I treat my staff this way because I don’t want them to experience what I did when I was in their shoes more than ten years back.

I remember it was my first time to handle calls for a living.  I came from email support and just when I thought the transition to phone support wouldn’t be that much difficult, I was wrong.  DEAD WRONG for that matter.

My manager at that time had the reputation of being a terror and being unreasonable and I actually didn’t realize this until I experienced her cruelty first hand.

It was my first day of handling calls after a month of training and my boss was listening to the call in real time.  I guess the inexperience combined with rookie jitters made me sound unprepared as I mumbled through the call that ended in a callback.  This time, by one of my seniors since I was not able to help the customer.

“YOU SOUND STUPID!” suddenly echoed across the room.

Everyone in the room, my teammates, and even the teams sitting next to us all turned around to look at our direction.  I bowed my head in embarrassment while holding myself back from retaliating.

“Don’t pay attention to her.  It’s normal for newbies to be nervous at first.” an agent from the neighboring team whispered.

I must admit that the embarrassment affected my self-confidence.  It made me question myself if I was ready and capable to do the job and it lasted for a while until I was able to finally figure everything out.

We all experience times like these when people and circumstance slaps us in the face and makes us think if we are good enough.  They make us question our ability and belief in ourselves so much that we lose our self-esteem and self-worth.

The good news is that we all are more than enough and it all depends on you and how you make yourself realize this fact.  I’m here to let you know that you are what you think and if you consider yourself an epic fail, then you are totally wrong.

Here are 4 things you should tell yourself when you are running low on self-confidence:

“It’s Okay to Fail” 

World-renowned entrepreneur and owner of the Virgin group, Richard Branson, didn’t have the qualities or potential qualities that is, of a future millionaire when he was young.  He was a high school drop out and an admitted dyslexic all his life.

His first business endeavor almost sent him to jail and at one point, he was charged with tax evasion, this time, he ended up in jail for a night.

It didn’t end there however.  Failure continued with the launch of several of his other brands like Virgin Vodka, Virgin Clothing, Virgin Vie, and the list goes on.

One of the benefits of being human is that we are allowed to fail.  Yes, you heard me.  Failure is not something to fear.  It’s not something to be embarrassed about.  Remember that you are only human and you’re bound to commit mistakes.

Don’t let your mistakes define you because at the end of the day, they’re just what they are – A MISTAKE.  No big deal whatsoever!

You are robbing yourself the opportunity to be happy if you’ll continue to dwell on the failures you’ve gone through.  Stop obsessing on what you didn’t get right and focus on the lessons you learned from them.

“I will not let Other People’s Opinion Define me”

People have different standards and beliefs and not getting the approval of one doesn’t make you less of a person.

I learned about this back when I was working for one of the largest BPO companies in Manila (at least at that time).  I was already a team leader back then and when the position for the manager was vacated, I was considered for it but ended up a bridesmaid to one of my colleagues.  The position was vacated again around two years after and even though I was considered for the position again, the company ended up getting someone else externally.

That was probably one of the worst days of my life.  My self-esteem was at an all time low and it got to a point where I asked myself why am I not good enough?  Was it me or was it the way I worked?  I really wouldn’t know for sure but self-doubt was all I felt during that time.

Our team got laid off a year after and I ended up working for a bank where I got to be a manager in just one year.  I finally got what I aimed for.  It took a year in this new company what I couldn’t get in the previous company for ten years.

I got my self-confidence back after this.  I was finally able to prove to myself that it wasn’t me after all but it was how the company or the people who has the power to make decisions, viewed me.  People have different opinions of us but none of them matters.  The only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself.

“I can be Great if I want to”

Ben Carson had low grades as a boy and was often bullied by some of his classmates.  He wasn’t confident and he had a bad temper that when he was in ninth grade, he nearly stabbed a friend during a fight if not for the knife’s blade getting broken.

His life turned around due to his mother’s constant motivation on how he can improve himself.  She encouraged him to read books and be at the top of his game.

In 1987, he, along with 70 members of his surgical team successfully separated the Binder twins,  who had been joined at the back of the head.  Carson was the lead surgeon and from that point on was considered one of the best neurosurgeons in the world.  His life was the subject of the 2009 movie Gifted Hands starring Cuba Gooding Jr.

No one is born great nor successful.  In order to achieve greatness or success, one must work for it.  Every successful person knew what it’s like to be a beginner, to be on the learning curve, and to fail miserably.  Think about that every time you feel bad about yourself or when you make mistakes.

Perhaps the most important thing to think about is that you know that it can be done and that successful people like the Ben Carsons, the Warren Buffets and the Michael Jordans are living proofs.

“I am Special”

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
― Malcolm X tweet this!

You can’t expect people to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself.  It all starts with you.  If you see yourself as mediocre, people will treat you as mediocre.  Never sell yourself short because if anyone should have a biggest fan, that should be you.

One of the things I believe people should change is our tendency to underestimate our abilities and belittle our accomplishments.

“I’m just a driver”

“I’m just a janitor”

“I’m just a housewife”

“I’m just an average guy”

First off, please, for the love of God, remove the word JUST in describing what you are or what you do for a living or even yourself.  The use of this word shouts lack of self-confidence and self-worth.  Be proud of who you are!

Lastly, don’t settle for mediocre.  Don’t settle on being average because you are more than enough and you are capable of achieving more.

The Takeaway

There will be situations when your confidence will be put to a test and more often than not, you will end up losing it because you failed and people will keep rubbing it in your face.  It’s normal to feel bad and discouraged but you can’t dwell on it for far too long.

No one knows yourself better than you do and if you just stop listening to what other people say and focus on how you can improve, everything will be fine.

Believe in yourself and take action.

Over to You

What do you normally tell yourself when you’re losing confidence?

I would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment or feedback below.  Share your stories.  Let’s talk.

 

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Noel Rosos

About Noel Rosos

Noel is a husband, father, author, performance coach and self-proclaimed FAILUROLOGIST who helps business owners and struggling individuals convert their failures into opportunities through inspiring blog posts, life-changing books and exceptional one-on-one coaching sessions

6 comments

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  1. Brenda Lee

    Beautiful post, Noel. When I feel I’m losing myself, I remove myself from the situation for a few minutes so I can have a mini meditation session. During this session, I say to myself “I am worthy. I am a gift. I can do this.” Depending how bad off I am I may seek guidance during my meditation and meet with my guardian. I know my techniques won’t work for everyone but usually do for me.

    Very inspiring post Noel. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Thanks Brenda!

      Those are really good points. I’ve been trying my hand at meditation for quite some time now and I do found it effective because it helps bring back my focus and it gives me clarity. It’s all about self-worth. It all starts with us.

  2. Pamina Mullins

    So true Noel! The thing to remember is that NOBODY is good at EVERYTHING. And there is always at least one area we truly excel in. That’s what I focus on if I’m feeling a bit wobbly. I go back and read and re-read all the positive feedback I’ve received. Then I know I’m on the right track.

    Also as you point out, ANYONE who is breaking new ground is going to have some kind of confidence crisis, because its new. The trick is as you point out, not to let it de-motivate you – use it as a challenge to motivate you and just keep on keeping on until you are confident in this new territory.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Going back and reading previous positive feedbacks is an awesome tip Pamina! Will certainly try that when the time comes. We can indeed gain more confidence by remembering our previous wins!

  3. hiyou4

    I was not going to comment originally, but apparently I have an account on this with a funky name.
    When I lose confidence, I research, and in knowledge I stand against the trials of time.
    When I become nervous, I think of what I am nervous about, why I am doing what I am, and how I should push past what I plan to do. If this does not ration my thoughts, I look at the bigger picture of things: I am likely to die in 50-xx years and this singular moment in my life will not define me if I fail, and if it does, after I die (or sooner) it will (likely) not matter.

    This is a song, in fact a favorite of mine that speeks heavily to this topic:
    Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-q-OaHNwNI
    Lyrics: http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/thrawsunblat/thrawsunblatiiwandereronthecontinentofsaplings.html#11
    Song of the Nihilist by Thrawsunblat
    Genre: Blackened Folk Metal (Despite your hesitations, do give it an honest listen, or at least read the lyrics.)

    It is funny, I just googled the definition of nihilism for the fun of it, despite already knowing its definition, and I was hardly shocked, but rather unthankful for those who choose to put their beliefs into the definition of a word. (only trust wikipedia, or dictionary.com, nothing else.) All the other definitions I found had words such as “negative” in it. I on the contrary derive happiness in being a nihilist, and in this standpoint, I am relatively happy how my life is, if not only that it is. :)

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      We all find happiness in our own way and sometimes, it can be through unconventional means but that’s fine as long as it makes us happy. I like your attitude towards trials and hardships. It shows that you are in control because you find ways to withstand them no matter what.

      Have a great week hiyou4!

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