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Mar 17

Do You Know Who Your True Friends Are?

true freinds

We can have many friends but only a few of them can be considered a true friend

What is a true friend?

I attended my friend’s daughter’s birthday this past Saturday and got to catch up with some friends from college.  It’s been almost 15 years since we graduated and after all these time, we’ve all managed to maintain our friendship.  Thanks in large part to social media which helps connect us to people from our past, even those from as far back as elementary school.

Speaking of social media, my daughter has been in awe of how many friends I have in Facebook.  She says it’s unbelievable how much friends I have and she has a valid point.  Is a person really capable of having as many friends?

So then I explained to her how not everyone in the list is daddy’s close friends and that some of them are acquaintances, former students, former colleagues, and former classmates as well.  But then why are they labelled as “Friends”?

Which got me thinking, how much of the friends I have in Facebook are legitimately friends of mine?  And when we say friends we mean “THE FRIEND”.

They say true friends are hard to find and I totally agree with this though we all have our own definition of friendship.  For me friendship is more than just hanging out, doing things together, and having fun.  It’s a relationship that is built on trust and it’s not built overnight.  So how can you tell who your real friends are?

 

Someone you can open up to

I have a friend who I go way back with and we are each other’s grievance committee.  Whenever he has problems, he calls me up so he can unload all his frustrations and I do the same to him too when I’m on the other shoe.  We talk about problems via a cup of coffee and I can honestly say that having someone like him to talk to really helps lessen the burden caused by my problems or whatever issues I’m going through.

For me, this is one of the criteria that make a person qualified to being called a true friend.  Someone whom you can open up to without the fear of being judged or rejected and someone who you know will always have your back no matter what.

 

Someone who doesn’t tell you what you need to hear

A true friend will tell you straight to your face if you’re right or wrong.  He will never sugar-coat or agree with you just so you’ll feel good about yourself.

I remember opening up to one of my closest friends about a misunderstanding I had with another friend.  This other friend said something that I didn’t like and though this other friend never mentioned any names, I felt it was me and I retaliated by saying something bad too.  When my friend and I talked about it, he didn’t hold anything back and told me I was wrong.  I tried to argue and he just told me that I shouldn’t have fired back anymore and that what I did only made the situation worse.

That’s what a real friend is.  No sugar-coating, only brutal, but honest truth.  He could have told me otherwise just so I’d feel better but he didn’t and I appreciated him for that.  Sometimes we need to hear it from others for us to realize our mistakes.

 

Someone who genuinely cares

Back in 2009, I lost my job because our department was dissolved and for the first time in my life I was jobless.  It was my first job and after 10 years, I was saying good bye to it.  I was confident I can get a new job to replace it but I wasn’t sure how soon and what kind of job I will land on.  I sent applications left and right, going to job interviews almost daily so I can continue to support my family’s needs.

I was active on Facebook already back then but I never mentioned my situation to anyone or ask for help from others but soon enough, this friend of mine learned about it and he contacted me to ask me why I never told him.  We were in contact back then but not regularly and I guess I was kind of embarrassed to ask.  He asked me to send a copy of my resume which I did and not long after, I got an interview and the rest is history.

Later on, I learned from the hiring manager how my friend constantly followed up with her to fast-track my application that’s why when she met me on my first day on the job, I was familiar to her already.

I never asked this friend to follow-up, never bugged him to help process my application even though deep inside I was quite desperate but he did it on his own.  That’s what a true friend is all about if you ask me.  Someone who cares and  after your well-being.

 

Someone loyal

A true friend will stand by you no matter what.  I have this childhood friend who was literally my bodyguard.  I am not the rugged type and I am not into fights when I was young but no one dared touch me in our neighborhood because I have this big buddy of mine who’s always there to defend me.

One time there was this neighbor who didn’t park his vehicle properly, occupying part of my spot.  I knocked on their door and asked them politely to move their vehicle so I can park my car.  The owner didn’t come out and his wife said he was already asleep.  I asked for their keys but the wife shut the door in my face.  I was furious because I have nowhere to park my car to but being the peace-loving person that I am, I went home and parked somewhere else.  I didn’t realize that this friend of mine was already shouting in our neighbor’s window, asking the owner to come out and fix the problem he caused.  They had a shouting match to make the long story short and we were both summoned by the community president.

I’m not saying that what my friend did was right but I sure saw how lucky I was to have a friend like him.  His loyalty and courage to fight my battle was something I will never forget.  I don’t see this friend as much as I do anymore because I’ve moved since I started a family but I always make sure to talk to him and check on him every time I visit my parent’s house.

 

Throughout our lives we encounter people who will touch our lives in so many ways.  There are those whom we will become friends with at work, at school or at church.  Some of them will remain our friends for a long time while some of them will move on and never be heard of again.

True friendship is one that endures and stands the test of time.  These are people who you may not see as often as you used to but are still very much in your life one way or the other.  These are people we should cherish and treasure because they are what we can really say our true friends.

 

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Noel Rosos

About Noel Rosos

Noel is a husband, father, author, performance coach and self-proclaimed FAILUROLOGIST who helps business owners and struggling individuals convert their failures into opportunities through inspiring blog posts, life-changing books and exceptional one-on-one coaching sessions

2 comments

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  1. Sarah Bucu

    Hi Noel. I am one person who has very few friends. Some of them I do not get to see as often as I want to especially when I became serious with running. Some of them told me that I have changed, probably because now I prefer to be less drawn to other people’s drama, that instead of wallowing on how pitiful my situation is, I prefer to be by myself and run. Not all people get that and I understand.

    In this life I have learned that we should befriend ourselves first before nourishing our relationship with others. Finding time to be alone with your thoughts, reflecting your purpose in life and planning to make a difference maynot be understood by some at first but once they get used to it, then that will be time they will know why. I am glad you found that in blogging and I hope that more people will understand that being alone most of the time doing what they love best is never intimidating. Life starts when you start living it outside of your comfort zone.

    1. Noel Rosos
      Noel Rosos

      Sarah I am always happy to meet a fellow introvert. I can definitely relate with what you’re saying. You go to running and I go to blogging and yes, people won’t understand. I’ve been called “KJ” and “anti-social” by some of my friends but the REAL ones understood why I am who I am. I love being at home, playing with the kids, writing, watching movies and I always prefer these over going out at night and drinking.

      I am more productive when I’m alone. I generate more ideas and am able to enjoy life the way I want to when I’m by myself so whether they understand it or not is up to them (though I’m lucky that my real friends do understand).

      INTROVERTS UNITE!

      Appreciate your comment Sarah!

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